The unexpected adventure: 30, flirty and (not) thriving

When this elder millennial was growing up, the internet was still a novelty. (Gasp!) But for real – tell me how old are you, without telling me how old are you..I’ll go first – remember dial up? Squeaking phone noise and the cheesy pop soundtracks of the 2000s TV shows and romantic comedies. And suddenly I see, there she was, the quintessential ‘IT girl‘, an adult in her late 20s beautiful apartment she somehow afforded. She was on her way to have it all – boyfriends, friends, latest fashion, and a promising career. Movies, TV shows and magazines of the era were painting a picture of adulthood for millennials everywhere.

The narrative was clear: turning thirty marked a new chapter, where the protagonist had her life sorted. A dream job, a dream partner, a dream apartment she owned. All achieved in the eight years post-college graduation timeline. No help from LinkedIn network, just pure vibes.. and maybe a trust fund.

The allure of big city (preferably New York), cosmopolitans, supporting friends, countless adventures and problems that get immediately solved before the credits roll, made impressions on our young minds. Watching this, who didn’t want to jump from thirteen going on thirty? Thanks, Jenna Rink.

At that very same time, we were oblivious to our parents’ struggles. Some of them were in their thirties during that very same era; and it wasn’t all flirty or thriving as much as pop culture wanted to sell us. But we were too young to see the picture, and the internet was only going to bring more.

Fast forward to today. Internet has evolved, movies have faded, and reality has set in. And do not get me wrong, it’s not all bad; but it is different. Sometimes you get your movie moment and sometimes you deal with the pressure and expectations from yourself and others, just trying to make it day by day.

So, how do the 30s look now? It is decades after the legendary shows and movies dazzled us with bright lights into the promise of adult life. Depending on the day, it goes from thriving to not thriving real fast. Unlike the movies, I’m learning that the thirties are not the ultimate decade for having it all. And what does “having it all” even mean, besides the unrealistic pressure to achieve everything in a short span of time? No one ever seems to ask, what happens afterwards. If theoretically you achieve everything in your 30s; what are you supposed to do with all the remaining time in your life?

These days, most of my friends and I got to live our own version of “13 Going on 30.” Much like the main character, time flew by, and we barely realised how fast. We live in apartments—some shared, some owned, most of them rented. Some of us are married, some married with children, some single. Working, although rarely in the field we studied for.

We got to live through our 20s, and now in our early 30s, we find ourselves not looking like the characters we used to watch. And even though our situations are different, we all share the same feeling – we haven’t made it yet. We have a lot, we have each other, but there is so much that is yet to be learned, yet to be experienced.

There is no schedule, there is no deadline. Having it all by the certain age means nothing unless we figure out how to deal with ourselves – learn from mistakes, cope with failures, and learn to care for ourselves and others. Being an adult ocassionally feels like Alice in Wonderland; sometimes it is extravagant tea parties and sometimes just endless falling down the rabbit hole. But, we will all eventually make it out. Furthermore, it gets really easy forgetting to appreciate everything we have now, what we achieved already, what we worked for. It is enough, even though it’s not all.

Whether having-it-all means a family, an apartment, a job, or a dream vacation or being on your own for the very first time and achieving those dreams, it doesn’t mean there are no worries or struggles. There is always a desire for something bigger than us; the wish to be understood as complex individuals, not just defined by our titles or domestic roles. So, the thirties really are the new twenties– less roaring, more rollercoasting. There is perhaps more financial security, but the questions and the journey of figuring it all out remain.

But here and there, we catch glimpses of the promised joy of adulthood. It is nights out dancing with friends till the morning, because the best days are not behind us. It is also nights in alone, learning to enjoy our own company. Dinners, drinks, movies, learning how to cook, learning how to exercise. Realising that in some of our relationships, we were the bad guy, we were also the good guy and sometimes we got wronged.

Realising our parents are also humans who probably tried their best and that we can’t blame all our faults on them. They were also adulting for the very first time. Taking some responsibility. Going to therapy. Or even being scared and tiptoeing around the idea of going to therapy, because it’s hard to take responsibility and deal with our stuff. But this is exactly what the 30s are for—dealing with it, with some more stability but nowhere near the finish line.

When I look around at this stage of life, it’s clear that the romanticised ideals of adulthood depicted in movies and TV shows were just that – ideals. Reality is far more nuanced and unpredictable. It’s about embracing the journey, with its highs and lows, its achievements and setbacks. The 30s are a time of growth, self-discovery, and learning to navigate life on our own terms, not ticking of some to-do list. So here’s to embracing the unknown, to celebrating the small victories, and to continuing to write our own stories – because the adventure of adulthood is far from over.