My Journey Through Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever felt like you are not good enough? Felt like a fraud? That you are only faking it, while everyone else has made it? Doubted all your accomplishments and your worth? Dismissed your success as the result of good timing or sheer dumb luck? If so, take a seat. Holy motherforking shirtballs, this is the bad place. Welcome to tortured imposters’ department.

Although identified by two female psychologists in 1978, imposter syndrome didn’t become a part of our vocabulary or something we discuss until recent times. Now, it has transcended into a buzzword and a phenomenon of the 2020s. According to research, around one-third of millennials suffer from it; and 70% of everyone else is likely to experience it at some point in their lives.

I even questioned whether I had anything meaningful to contribute on this topic, wondering if my experience alone would be enough to provide a unique perspective. And there is also the part of publicly admitting that I do fall into the 70% millennial imposter syndrome statistics. Somehow, inclusion in that group doesn’t feel relatable or bring much comfort at all. How do I know for sure if I am the only true impostor at this party? It’s a little bit of a Schrödinger’s cat situation – until you look in the box, I feel like I am and I am not the impostor at the same time.

When I was at the top of my corporate girl era, a few colleagues and I started a leadership mentoring program. The program included 1:1 mentoring, so we launched an open call for mentors. In the first hour of launching, I sat at my laptop and wondered if I had the proper credentials, experience, and knowledge to be a mentor in the program I co-founded. Meanwhile, a few of our male colleagues simply sent an email applying to be mentors, with no previous overthinking – they just deemed themselves competent. And for the most part, they were – they just didn’t have to doubt and analyze it as much as I did in the moment.

It is only so convenient that the woman was the one who identified imposter syndrome, as its impact everyone, particularly women and minorities. I don’t think that just by being assertive or demanding a seat at the table will fix this problem in all of us. It’s not enough to Lean In because that shit doesn’t always work.

But what happens next? Do we ever stop feeling like impostors? I thought this feeling was only connected to my job, and once I leave or change it, the feeling would disappear as well. As it happens, I was mistaken about that.

Imposter syndrome: stage two

I didn’t realize that imposter syndrome can manifest in different ways—not just when striving for job positions or promotions. Once I’ve settled in my career break era, the doubt started running through my mind again. Am I even allowed to rest? Did I work hard enough to truly deserve this break? Turns out, you don’t only struggle with this when you are working – but also when you are resting, too.

So, what is the way out of this feeling? Naming it and admitting you struggle with it certainly helps. It takes away some of it power. Gratitude journal? Daily affirmations? Therapy? Reminding myself it’s not that serious at the end of the day and there is a whole world outside of doubt and overthinking? Yes, especially to that last one.

The only way out from the bad place of imposter syndrome is to go through it and move forward. Try doing something you enjoy. Talk to your friends. Apply for that new job. Try and try again, not for the sake of perfectionism, but for the sake of doing something and believing in yourself. Believing in your own competence and the grand scheme of things and hoping it will work out. Being brave and tenacious.

And then, a new form of imposter syndrome will begin to take place. Hopefully, when it comes, I will be ready to handle it better, and it won’t get to my head as much. At the end of the day, we all have to remember that success is not only in collecting accomplishments—growing, changing, not giving up on our dreams, or daring to try new ones —all of these are things to be proud of. So take that, imposter syndrome! As the world’s greatest boss, Michael Scott, puts it—No doubt about it, I am ready to get hurt again.

Cheers to persevering through whatever the next stage brings, however it manifests. I got this.